If you are anything like me, you are probably oblivious to the current news unless it involves a Kardashian or Taylor Swift. But if you are a responsible human being, you may have heard of the Zika virus — or as some call it, the end of the modern world. The media-hyped disease is mainly transmitted by mosquitoes, but a new case study done on a Parisian couple actually shows that the virus can infiltrate your man’s ~juice.~ Apparently, the virus can live in bodily fluids, but lasts the longest in semen. Lovely. But luckily, there are so many, more things that could go wrong while giving a BJ.
- You could actually contract Zika virus.
Or, like, *gasp* herpes.
- You could throw out a knee.
Who needs ACLs anyways? The weak, that’s who.
- And then you could lose a contact.
Well, I’m down here anyways…
You may be too young. Or just have shitty teeth.
- He yells someone else’s name.
Bonus points if it is his ex’s name!
- You find out that he has a micro-penis.
So it wasn’t just my lack of contacts.
- Or a monster cock.
I’m sorry, did I mention I have herpes? I have herpes.
- His mom calls.
And he answers.
- Your mom calls.
And he still answers.
- You asphyxiate (suffocate. That means suffocate).
Here lies a girl who took “spitters are quitters” too far.
- You end up on Snapchat.
Just remember where Kim K. started.
- “I’ll get you next time, babe.”
That’ll be $20, then.
- His cat watches.
Or worse — his dog.
- He never finishes.
It’s not you, it’s him.
- You have to give a blow job.
Isn’t that bad enough?.
[via New York Magazine]