15 Things That Could Go Totally Wrong While Giving A Blow Jay

blow jay

If you are anything like me, you are probably oblivious to the current news unless it involves a Kardashian or Taylor Swift. But if you are a responsible human being, you may have heard of the Zika virus — or as some call it, the end of the modern world. The media-hyped disease is mainly transmitted by mosquitoes, but a new case study done on a Parisian couple actually shows that the virus can infiltrate your man’s ~juice.~ Apparently, the virus can live in bodily fluids, but lasts the longest in semen. Lovely. But luckily, there are so many, more things that could go wrong while giving a BJ.

  1. You could actually contract Zika virus.
    Or, like, *gasp* herpes.
  2. You could throw out a knee.
    Who needs ACLs anyways? The weak, that’s who.
  3. And then you could lose a contact.
    Well, I’m down here anyways…
  4. Braces.
    You may be too young. Or just have shitty teeth.
  5. He yells someone else’s name.
    Bonus points if it is his ex’s name!
  6. You find out that he has a micro-penis.
    So it wasn’t just my lack of contacts.
  7. Or a monster cock.
    I’m sorry, did I mention I have herpes? I have herpes.
  8. His mom calls.
    And he answers.
  9. Your mom calls.
    And he still answers.
  10. You asphyxiate (suffocate. That means suffocate).
    Here lies a girl who took “spitters are quitters” too far.
  11. You end up on Snapchat.
    Just remember where Kim K. started.
  12. “I’ll get you next time, babe.”
    That’ll be $20, then.
  13. His cat watches.
    Or worse — his dog.
  14. He never finishes.
    It’s not you, it’s him.
  15. You have to give a blow job.
    Isn’t that bad enough?

[via New York Magazine]

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PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at (note the single PSL).

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