Labor Day is the official mark of the end of summer. We patriotically beer bonged our sorrows away, and we weren’t the only ones to celebrate those who work hard by partying harder.
1. The Instagram Queen
The only reason this girl is here is to get hella likes on Instagram. She is wearing her new favorite romper as are her seven best friends. She’ll come over and ask you to do her a huuuuuuuuge favor and take a picture of them. You hold up the phone, and she holds up an American flag that just happened to be nearby. They suddenly lose all sense of gravity and sanity. They are falling all over each other and giggling to get that perfect “candid” picture. She looks great in all of them, but her one friend laughed a little too hard and looks like a gremlin. She’ll post it anyway.
2. Bucket Hat Guy
Usually accompanied with a Hawaiian shirt or basketball jersey, Bucket Hat Guy is on his tenth beer of the day and there is no sign of stopping. His style and excessive alcohol intake is inspired by his drunk uncle.
3. Drunk Girl In Line For The Bathroom
You can always make friends in line for the bathroom, but since there is only one toilet, you make friends very quickly. For whatever reason, Drunk Girl is under the impression that she will get to the bathroom faster if she comes in with you. I mean, she complimented your sundress, so why not.
4. Guy Chugging Vodka
I don’t care how bad a day I’m having, or how many people are cheering me on, or how many Snapchats are being taken, chugging vodka is never an option. Everyone is calling him a “savage,” but as you watch his eyes tear up, you know that vomit is imminent.
5. Reply Chug Guy
We get it. You’re drinking. Watching you chug that beer is too similar to watching a baby drink a bottle, and that just weirds me out.
6. André Girl
This classy bitch is taking a whole bottle of champagne to the face without thinking twice. Sweetie, who hurt you? Who drove you to drink this way? I just want to help.
7. The Boho Babes
These girls must have magical powers in their flower crowns because they are somehow floating around like they are perched on clouds. Their hair and their long vests blow effortlessly in the wind as woodland creatures surround them to sing songs.
8. DayJay (Day DJ)
This guy has decided that he has the best taste in music out of everyone, and wants to let you know it. Wow, an Ignition Remix Remix? You are before your time, dude. Just play Wagon Wheel and let me sing until my voice gives out.
9. Girl Who Is Always On Her Phone
She is standing in a circle with her friends but is talking to no one, and has been half-ass sipping on the same flat beer for the last hour. Look up from your phone before your neck is permanently stuck with your chin against your chest.
10. Guy Who Keeps Asking What You’re Doing Tonight
Not you, big guy. I’m not even 100% sure where I am right now or who you are, so there is no chance in hell I can tell you what’s going to be happening later. Don’t you have class tomorrow?
11. The Edgy Chicks
Their crop tops and cutoff jorts say summer, but their boots and flannel say fall, just like labor day does. They show up, bum a few cigs, and then retreat into the darkness before the sun shrivels them into raisins.
12. Girl Shotgunning Her First Beer
Aww, s’cute. We’ve all been there. Beer is dripping down her face and pouring onto her toes, but somehow she’s feeling more victorious than ever. I’m just honored I got to experience this momentous occasion.
13. Guys On The Roof
I’m not sure how they got up there and I’m even more unsure about how they’re getting down. You have to admit though, they do look pretty cool. One of them will be showering the whole party in Natty Light within the next 20 minutes.
14. Guy Passed Out On Yard Couch
He’s the same guy who was chugging vodka earlier..