13 Reasons Why Ellen Is Literally The Coolest Person Alive

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Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but I really freaking love Ellen. Oh, wait. You have? You’ve heard that before? Weird. Just kidding. I know I’m only, like, the third billionth person to ever say that sentence, but I mean it. I really, really love Ellen. And, so, in honor of the Queen of Life’s birthday (she’s 57 if you can believe that) today, we over here at TSM decided to pay tribute to everyone’s literal favorite person on the planet.

1. She scares the shit out of celebrities.

2. Um. Hello. Ellen introduced us to the wonderfulness that is Sophia Grace and Rosie.

3. …and now they walk the Red Carpet and provide us with endless amounts of entertainment. Basically, we owe Ellen everything.

4. Ellen showered Delta Gamma at Butler University with tons of presents and even took the time out of her insanely busy schedule to chat with them. Ugh. We’re so jealous.

5. She provides the wisest of words and pretty much just makes us all better people.

6. She came out on national TV like a boss.

7. Her dance moves.

8. No, seriously. She even got the President of the United States of America to dance. She’s that great.

9. Oh, and she sings, too.

10. She makes Gwyneth Paltrow seem tolerable.

11. She’s besties with Jennifer Aniston…which means she belongs to the coolest “Friends” group ever. LOL. See what I did there?

12. Her wife is one of the funniest people ever…who also happened to star in one of the funniest TV shows ever.

13. Basically, she’s amazing and we love her.

Happy birthday, Ellen!

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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