13 People I’d Rather Go To Prom With Than Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber Prom

Oh prom. The first time you realized how truly psycho you are. From the $400 dress that you immediately spilled Bacardi Dragonberry on (sorry, Dad), to organizing a limo (that you eventually get kicked out of), to figuring out who to take you as his date, it’s really freaking stressful. But, if you went to a recent prom in Chatsworth, Los Angeles, a surprise guest showed up to make all of that stress worth it.

Now who is the perfect celebrity to have around teenage girls? One who would make sure their virtues and hymens remained intact? None other than Justin Bieber, of course.

That’s right. Justin Bieber crashed a local prom this past weekend because he’s Justin Bieber. Apparently, he wasn’t planning on scouting a buffet of “just turned 18” girls that night. He was headed to the recording studio to pretend to make music, and it just so happened that a prom was happening at the same place. So, naturally he threw on a hat straight from the set of “American Horror Story: Coven” and hit the dance floor. The girls actually went wild when they realized that Bieber was there.

Now doesn’t that just look like actual hell? Between the sweaty bodies, the high school drama, and the hordes of teenage girls, I can honestly say I would have left the venue and fucked my date in the car. Or maybe a hand job? It is high school, after all. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Biebs. LOL JK. Honestly, there are tons of other people I’d rather show up to my prom than Justin Bieber.

  1. Either of the Hemsworths.
  2. Mila Kunis.
  3. Mila Kunis’s voice.
  4. A young Johnny Depp.
  5. An old Johnny Depp.
  6. Ed Westwick’s jaw bone.
  7. A realistic cardboard cutout of Leonardo DiCaprio.
  8. Myself from the future.
  9. A stoned delivery guy with an endless amount of buffalo chicken pizzas.
  10. My sexy chemistry teacher who KNEW I had the hots for him.
  11. My sexy theatre teacher who KNEW I had the hots for him.
  12. John Krasinski.
  13. My strangely attractive male gynecologist.

Despite the fact that I’m a bitter, old, non-Belieber, I hope you had a fab time at your Justin-filled prom, ladies. And to all of the dads and dates out there, I’m sorry that Justin most likely “filled” your girls that night. I’m sure he stole a lots of hearts, dates, and virginities. I want to be outraged, but hey, if you’re going to lose your virtue, it might as well be to someone who looks shockingly like Ellen. Well done Chatsworth Charter High School. Well done.

[via Hollywood Life]

Image via JStone /

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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