There is nothing better than a noon game. When else is it mandatory to blast music at 5:30 a.m., take pulls before 9 a.m. and dance on elevated surfaces by 10:30 a.m.? NEVER. To those of you who say they don’t like noon games, then you are doing it wrong. However, there is one pitfall to the glorious noon game: crashing and burning due to the nature of the sport. Here is a foolproof plan to take on a noon game like a champ and make it out later that night.
1. Carbo load the night before and eat a HEALTHY breakfast.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you don’t get your body ready for all the beer you’re about to take to the face, you will not make it past 10 a.m., and you will miss out on a whole mess of fun. So Friday night, eat a pasta dinner or go to your favorite Mexican restaurant and binge on chips, guac, and tacos. It is also imperative to include a healthy breakfast into your game day regimen. Would you eat crap before running a marathon? Not unless you want to vomit. You need to have that state of mind. Make some oatmeal with fruit, or eggs and peanut butter toast. Your body will thank you later and you will have enough energy to get through the day.
2. Don’t go ham the night before.
There is nothing worse than waking up at 5:30 a.m. with the worst hangover in America when everyone is expecting you to be the game day champ you are. Maybe go to a more casual bar–one that doesn’t guarantee a blackout–or go to the house and have a movie night with your sisters, or make cool T-shirt dresses, or something along those lines. People won’t judge you for not going out, because they are probably doing the same.
3. Don’t rip six shots in a row right when you get to the pregame.
Being out-of-control-drunk within the first hour of pregaming always ends in embarrassment. Plus, you will most likely be put to bed by 11 a.m. DO NOT be that girl. Your friends will hate you, especially if they have to leave the party to put you to bed. There is also a chance you will wake up on a couch in a frat house and no one will be there to tell you what happened. You will be very distraught, and you’ll probably cry.
4. Stick to light liquors and light beer.
Dark liquors contain more congeners (toxic chemicals) which are known to worsen hangovers, so as a rule of thumb, stick to lighter liquors to prolong hitting a wall and feeling like you are about to spin out of control.
5. Start with liquor, then transition to beer.
“Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.” If you feel like you are starting to get to the point of no return after drinking liquor, switch to beer. Drinking liquor all day will land people on their ass. Also, only drinking tons of beer will turn you into a bloated mess. That’s not hot.
6. EAT SOMETHING.
Sometimes we have so much fun that we get caught up in everything and forget to eat. If you actually go to the game, grab a stadium soft pretzel or a hot dog. If you end up at a bar, there is nothing better than a whole mess of nachos or some cheese fries. And remember, calories don’t count on game day.
7. Avoid a long nap.
The power of a 30-minute nap is undeniable, but anything past that will only leave you feeling groggy and you won’t make it out of your bed until the next morning. This will leave you with enough FOMO to last you the rest of football season. You will be alone as you cry in your bed scrolling through your Twitter and Instagram feeds, seeing all the fun your friends had while you were passed out.
8. Have a buddy.
This is imperative to any drinking marathon. You are there to keep each other in check and peer pressure the shit out of each other to keep calm and party on. Who else is going to tell you that you need to reapply your lipstick, or that your hair looks a little disheveled, or that your ass or nipple is about to come out. This person is the butter to your bread, the lime to your Corona, and most likely your big or little.
9. Be on the move.
If you make a lot of plans and have places to be and people to see, you are most likely to stay out and at your best. You wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone, would you? Have a game plan in mind, but if you are having an extraordinary time at the first party you stop at, then you have full permission to fuck all your plans, because YOLO.
10. 5-Hour Energy, Red Bull, and Diet Coke for when you are weak.
These will be more beneficial than any glass of water. Caffeine is your BFF, but stay away from Four Loko. I repeat, stay the fuck away from Four Loko. No one survives that shit.