As girls, it’s our natural instinct to want to believe that what our guy is telling us is the truth, but we’d be lying to ourselves if we didn’t admit that we haven’t fallen for at least one of these lines. Although it seems like having an honest relationship is a simple concept, there’s nothing more complicated.
Of course, I, myself have fallen for some of these lies, and even when you swear up and down that you’ll never believe another word he says, he strikes again.
1. “It’ll be different this time.”
This line is a classic, and comes from your typical bad boy who tries to hook up with just about every girl you know, and then some. You watch while he rips out and stomps on everyone’s hearts, while silently laughing about how stupid they all are to believe his bullshit. Then, you’re at the same bar as him. You’ve had one, or ten, too many drinks. “Damn, he looks good,” you think to yourself.
Next thing you know, you wake up in his apartment three weekends in a row and you’re thinking “Wow, this could actually go somewhere!” No. It’s not. The only place you’ll be going is the health clinic to get tested while he chats up his next biddie in the same place he picked you up.
2. “I’m not that kind of guy.”
When you think about it, there really is no way that all guys aren’t somewhat like each other. Have you ever met two guys that are complete opposites? No, you haven’t. It’s virtually impossible. Every boy on this planet has a penis, and more times than not, he thinks with that instead of his actual brain.
3. “It won’t happen again.”
Wrong. If the incentive was there to do it the first time, it’s guaranteed to be there a second or third time. Whether it’s sleeping with another girl or lying about where he was, the thrill of keeping things from you is much more satisfying than any forgiveness BJ.
4. “Nothing’s going on between us.”
Sure, that’s why she’s texting him 24/7, requesting his help on every homework assignment and feeding him shots at the bar. She’s just a really nice and giving girl. In more ways than one.
5. “I don’t want to hook up, I just want to cuddle.”
I’m not gonna lie, this is every girl’s dream come true. Don’t get me wrong, hooking up in any capacity is always great, but wouldn’t it be nice to just relax and cuddle without him trying to take your clothes off while you’re half asleep? When a guy tells you he “just wants to cuddle,” he’s implying that he’ll give you what you want, but only after he gets what he wants. Sure, the idea sounds enticing, but agreeing to this is just a subtle way for him to get into your bed, and it works. Every. Single. Time.
6. “I swear I won’t tell anyone.”
These are the last six words you hear before waking up to “OMG YOU SLEPT WITH HIM LAST NIGHT?” texts from 18 different people. We’d all love to believe that the things that happen behind closed doors will actually stay there, but the truth is, keeping your recent rendezvous a secret is impossible. One of the biggest myths of our generation is that girls are more catty than boys. Guys are constantly looking for some confirmation that they’re “the man” and telling everyone he knows about sleeping with you is the easiest way he can do that.
7. “We just kissed, nothing more.”
Use some common sense. Can you remember the last time you “just kissed” someone? You can’t, because this isn’t the 7th grade. We’re big kids now, and no boy in his right mind is letting you get away with just kissing.
8. “I wont show anyone, I promise.”
Some may think this goes in the same category as number six, but this concept is in a league of its own. How many times have you had a boy beg and plead to send him a picture of your goods? You and I both know you’ve caved (plenty of times). Yet, you had better understand that the picture in your sexy lingerie will come back to bite you in the ass. Hard. Sure, he might be your future husband today, but tomorrow he could, and most likely will, turn into your typical douchebag and BOOM that shit is all over the place. The point is, when you’re giving a boy hard evidence, you’re basically asking him to screw you over. Didn’t Vanessa Hudgens teach us anything?
9. “I don’t even think she’s pretty.”
You know her. You hate her. She’s that one damn girl that always seems to pop up in the wrong place at the wrong time. You constantly search for reasons to kill her, but the truth is, you can’t find any. She’s perfect, and everyone knows that, even your boyfriend. You can’t even deny her perfect skin and super-hot body, so why should he? You might like to think that he’d never cheat on you with her if he had the chance, but nine out of ten times he would, and will.
10. “I’ve never hooked up with any of your sisters.”
This is the most heart-wrenching of them all. I know I can’t speak for everyone, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that a guy sleeping with only one girl in every sorority is equivalent to us going to the mall and not buying anything. Impossible. How does he do it? He’s a smart son of a bitch, that’s how. Chances are, he’s off limits in one way or another and tells you that you need to keep your relationship a secret. Naturally, you obey until one night when you take one too many tequila shots and the truth comes out. Busted.
After all is said and done, these situations will all be funny to look back on. However, for the time being, it’s important to remember one thing: knowing a liar’s penis size is perhaps one of the greatest pieces of knowledge God can bestow upon us girls. Well, why should any piece of knowledge go to waste? We win again.